I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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