oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
