I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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