As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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