Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
