I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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