Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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