I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
