Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
