maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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