Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
