I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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