I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
