whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
