i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
