somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
