So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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