It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
