I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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