i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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