I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
