I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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