what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
