You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
