I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
