You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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