Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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