The maid of honor just puked.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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