So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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