anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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