My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize