Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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