forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
there is glitter all over my balls
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
