Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
