dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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