I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
