The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
