accomplished twins. life is a go
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
