No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
