guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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