But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
