one two three fourrrrnication!
too bad you live with your parents still
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
