I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
