I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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