Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
