I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
