Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
