Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
