I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize