Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
