I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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