covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
