So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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