I molested 6 butterflies tonight
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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