Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
