Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I need a burrito and a hug.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
