The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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