Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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