someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
