just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"