I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
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I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?