a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy