Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?