well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.