Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat