I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found the puke drawer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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