Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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